Balancing Self-discovery and Stress During the College Application Process

Written by Forbes Mann, Director of College Counseling

The past few springs, a TikTok trend has emerged in which high school seniors post slides of the colleges to which they had applied, overlaid with text: each college’s admission rate, the decision the student received, and the student’s high school “data points”—usually GPA (without context), test score, maybe an abbreviation for a leadership role or an athletic achievement. Assessing a college by its admission rate is flawed, but it’s worse to lose sight of what a student-centered college search experience can offer, when it’s done well: meaningful self-discovery that emerges from the search and fuels a student’s next steps along the way, as students learn more about who they are and where they will thrive.

Leading with Meaning, Not Metrics

A Field education is rooted in relevance and authenticity, connecting to real-world experiences and application. We mirror that same intention in college counseling, encouraging students to think in terms of purpose to build their confidence and clarity about their college choices. For Field students, the college application experience is a time to ask big questions, the answers to which are open-ended, qualitative, and expansive, rather than concisely numerical. We tackle questions like:

• What kind of settings make me feel most curious, most academically and intellectually alive? What’s my Roman Empire—what are the subjects that keep me coming back for more—even when I don’t have to?
• Where do my gifts and talents intersect with what the world needs?
• How do I see myself growing in the four exciting years ahead? 

This is a time to support them as they tell their stories with excitement and honesty, and to imagine what might lie ahead for them after graduation. Numbers as seen in the aforementioned TikTok trend don’t lend themselves to self-discovery—but those central questions, those great stories, and those inspiring possibilities of what comes next, do.

When a student navigates the college application journey with curiosity instead of numbers-driven anxiety, it’s transformative. Writing essays isn’t about stressing over what’s adequately unique; it’s a practice of reflection, and of realization that our students really do have their own strong voices and their own compelling stories. Campus visits aren’t exhausting, whirlwind chores, but rather opportunities to explore what kind of place feels right and which innovative programs are out there to support them as they grow into who they want to become. Meetings with the many college admission officers who visit Field to talk with our 12th graders each fall aren’t high-stakes interviews – instead, they’re times for learning about the diversity of paths students can take away from Field

Dream and Do

At Field, this self-discovery is a natural product of our students’ experiences to this point. Our approach is relational and reflective: we listen, we ask questions, and we celebrate each student’s unique path. We don’t ignore the stress attendant to this experience—these are big steps our students are taking, and some stress is sure to accompany such a time of transition. We also want our students to seek appropriate challenges, because they should stretch themselves and dream big. However, we do want to mitigate stress enough so that our students can find meaning and connection, even amidst the stress and uncertainty that comes along the way.

Field Families: remind your student that self-discovery and stress, dreaming and doing, can coexist. Encourage them to pause, reflect, and appreciate the lightbulb moments along the way—whether it’s a conversation that reveals something new about themselves, or a campus visit that feels unexpectedly right. The journey to college is full of moments like this, if only we slow down enough to notice them.